Crying is Therapeutic

"Don’t Cry"

I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard that phrase many times in my life. From various people—parents, friends, family members, etc. I’ve even said it to others. The problem with this is that our bodies and minds can begin to believe that it’s wrong to cry when we hear someone say that. Typically, when someone says "Don’t cry," they don’t want to see us hurt or upset. But in those moments, what we really need to hear is, “It’s okay to cry; I’m here for you.”

As someone who has always been extremely emotional and wears my feelings on my sleeve, I’ve often been called "too much" or "too emotional." This is something I’m still working on reframing in my mindset. Yes, I am emotional, but that’s not a bad thing. If someone can’t handle it, that’s on them, not me.

I think many of us say "Don’t Cry" due to cultural conditioning. We may feel it’s embarrassing to cry in public, or emotions may seem scary. Perhaps we want to comfort others, but we don’t want to see them upset. Sometimes, we don’t know how to handle our own emotions, let alone someone else’s. In many cases, people think that crying is a sign of weakness or unproductivity, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Even though I’m working on reframing the idea that it’s okay to cry, when feelings of heartache, grief, despair, and sadness arise, it can be incredibly hard to manage them and allow ourselves to feel them fully. Honestly, it’s scary—if you’ve ever truly FELT your emotions in your body, you know exactly what I mean.

When I feel sadness or grief rise in my body, it’s like an electric shock throughout my entire system. My chest tightens, and my heart feels like it’s being stabbed yet simultaneously pulled out of me. The tears well up in my eyes, and my nerves often feel like they’re tingling, pushing me toward a complete panic. My entire body tenses up, and then the floodgates open, with the tears flowing one after another.

Before this happens, I often get extremely worked up, caught in the in-between of my body needing to cry and my brain telling me, “No, we can’t cry.” I’m trying to teach my mind that it’s okay to allow my body to cry. For so many years, I tried to hold it together, avoiding crying and suppressing my true emotions. That approach has been far from beneficial and has caused more harm than I can express.

I believe we’ve done ourselves a disservice by trying to suppress our humanness. It’s almost like we’re trying to be our own god, controlling everything. The truth is, we can’t always control or contain our emotions. We need to feel them and give ourselves space to do so, or else they grow into even bigger, harder-to-manage feelings. Remember, emotions and behaviors are two very different things, but that’s a topic for another time.

I want to encourage you to cry. Whether it's a joyful tear or a gut-wrenching sob, it’s okay to cry. Crying helps to flush out our nervous system and shifts us into a parasympathetic state (the opposite of fight-or-flight). But just to clarify, I’m not saying you should cry every day—that’s not healthy and can indicate a neurotransmitter imbalance. If you’re finding that you’re crying constantly, it may be a good idea to seek support.

Sometimes, we’re walking through particularly difficult seasons that require more tears than others, and that’s okay. I want you to know that you’re not alone in what you’re feeling.

We should also remember that God made us—He formed us in the womb. And when we enter this world, what’s one of the first things most babies do? … Cry.

There are physical reasons behind this: babies need to take their first breath to clear fluid from their lungs and kickstart their oxygen flow. It’s also a traumatic transition—they go from the warmth of the womb to a bright, loud world that they don’t understand. Crying is a reflexive and necessary response.

Even though we may find a baby’s cry overwhelming at times, it is one of the most powerful and effective ways to ensure their survival from the very first moment of life. Crying is our first way of communicating with one another.

Why would we ever say not to cry?

If that’s not enough to convince you that crying is vital and therapeutic, here are a few Bible verses that speak on crying:

• Psalm 56:8 (ESV) – "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
  (God values our tears and knows our pain.)

• Psalm 34:17-18 (NIV) – "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
  (God hears and responds when we cry out to Him.)

• 2 Kings 20:5 (NIV) – "Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you."
  (God hears and responds to our prayers and tears with love and healing.)

• Psalm 30:5 (NKJV) – "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
  (A reminder that sorrow is temporary, and joy will come.)

And one of my all-time favorite Bible verses:

• John 11:35 (KJV) – "Jesus wept."
  

God weeps with us in our pain, sorrow, overwhelm, joy, and grief. God is omnipresent, and even though He knows everything, He still meets us in our mess and weeps with and for us.

Here’s a prayer for our crying and emotions:

Thank you, God, for how you made me—an emotional being with feelings sometimes too big for me to comprehend. Thank you for sending Jesus, who knows what it means to be fully human and feel all the emotions we have. Thank You for making me in Your image to show Your kindness, mercy, and grace to others who may be crying. I ask that I be someone who sits with others in their tears and says, “It’s okay to feel this way.” May I represent You in everything I do. Thank You, Lord, for our emotions and how crying is therapeutic for our bodies, minds, and souls. Amen.